15 Project Ideas For Tricking Hipsters Into Giving You Cash on Kickstarter
There’s a dirty little loophole on the Internet just waiting to be penetrated and exploited. Thanks to a social net called Kickstarter, you can currently trick hipsters into giving you real money to “fund” a “project” you want to “create”.
Basically, you make a MySpace page for pretty much any half-baked idea that comes into your brain, then start asking random strangers on the Internet for cash to support it, and then rich people who have run out of ways to dispose of their income in an appropriately cool manner will actually pay you to make it happen, but you can just take their money and do nothing (because who’s gonna bust you, the Kickstarter police?). Pretty genius stuff.
I know what you’re thinking: I’d love to free up a new revenue stream by relieving a few trust fund kids of their parents’ cash, but just one problem: I don’t have any ideas. Well, since I’m such a nice guy, I’ve come up with 15 artsy-sounding pitches that will work wonderfully for pan-handling on Kickstarter. Give them a try!
1. Starting a freak-folk jugband called “Arugula” that creates hauntingly lush sonic landscapes using instruments made entirely from locally-sourced food items found at a farmer’s market.
2. Mounting a mural on the side of the New York Public Library that is a giant finger-painting of the blogosphere.
3. Self-publishing an art photography book about women staring at their vaginas, but they are holding mirrors over them, so really they are staring at themselves staring at their vaginas, but then we’re all staring at them. (Think about it.)
4. Writing a 9000-word wank-off essay in a literary journal about hipsters and who they are and what they mean and how we’re all one and why they don’t matter.
5. Starting a viral “Fuck Yeah” Tumblr-turned-book-deal in which photos are hilariously captioned with deadpan irony in a knowing, insidery comedic voice.
6. Creating a new brand of environmentally-sustainable luxury soap made using re-scented feces from a miniature pot-bellied pig named Waldorf.
7. Publishing a boutique alt-comic strip about socially-awkward artsy kids who just don’t fit in.
8. Making a documentary about boring documentaries that only like 12 people watch on Vimeo.
9. Staging a giant protest of non-organic lemons, expressed entirely through a live dance happening.
10. Launching a line of handmade vintage Lady GaGa-inspired corsets for babies.
11. Designing an iPhone app that shows you how much of your life you’ve wasted dicking around with pointless iPhone apps.
12. Developing a new social network that will let users communicate entirely in wishes.
13. Petitioning to change the name of the state of Texas to “Portland”.
14. Writing a 15-chapter novel in which each chapter is only one word, and the whole thing just reads “This is a book for smart people who understand meta.”
15. Starting an Austin-based political comedy collective who will make animated videos that fearlessly and hilariously skewer what’s going on in Africa right now.
(Honestly, pretty much any idea will work if you just describe it with words like “vital” or “challenging” and create a website with modern/minimalist design to go along with it.)
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